I’ve neglected this blog for a while (to be honest I kind of forgot about it), but feel ready to start updating again. Right now I feel better than I have for a very long time, as I’ve finally been able to close two chapters of my life that caused immense stress for over a year: I graduated and got my MA in Journalism, and I quit an amazing but very exhausting job in the same field. (more…)
Miserable moods
I wrote this a week ago and never got to publishing it. I feel a lot better now and it’s hard for me to believe that only a few days ago I felt utterly miserable, but still want to post it as a reminder of how easily my moods can swift.
Somehow during the past week I spiraled into a mood that I hadn’t experienced since I started taking lithium. It took a while before I was able to admit it, but despite the meds, I’m feeling pretty damned depressed.
In sickness and in health
My trip to Japan was amazing in many ways. I was thrilled to see my friend again, to visit one of my favourite countries again and stuff my stomach with the delicious food it has to offer. Also, after spending nearly a year working full-time, getting diagnosed with bipolar disorder AND trying to write an MA thesis somewhere in between all that, I really needed the time off work. And it was good. Whether it was my friend, the sushi, the karaoke or seeing Mount Fuji through the train window – within days something helped my mind to let go of all the worries and stress that had been there for months.
Time to travel
Tomorrow morning I’m flying off to Japan to visit a friend for two weeks. I have to say I travelled loads in 2014, but most of that was work-related or just too short to really be relaxing, so going away for this long feels like a treat. I know that travelling is a huge trigger for me, and I only just started taking lithium, so I’m a bit wary about it all. However, my friend knows all about my situation and I’m sure she’ll be able to help me if something goes wrong. (more…)
Bipolar and relationships
As of 1 January, 2015, I’m no longer a single woman. Once again, I have been tricked into the bizarre world of having a boyfriend. He’s amazingly caring and mentally stable, which is probably exactly what I need, but at the same time exactly what terrifies me most. (more…)
Lithium. And so, the journey begins…
It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything here, but that doesn’t mean nothing happened. A lot happened, actually – I’ve been taking lithium for about two weeks now.
Meeting others and med dilemmas
Yesterday I had my first group meeting, and I have to say I had an amazing evening. At the same time I was confronted with a fact that up until now I have been able to deny from time to time: I have bipolar disorder. It was uncanny how familiar some of the stories of the other patients sounded, and how certain they made me feel that I was in the right place. There were about seven or eight of us and everybody had brought a buddy. Most people brought their significant other, but as I don’t have one at the moment, a good friend of mine joined me. The meetings are meant as a kind of education, to learn more about the disorder, and as a way to meet and talk to people who understand what you’re going through. (more…)
Finding out the hard way
So, it’s been almost a month since my last post. Still taking the Olanzapine every night, because I came to realize that I definitely wasn’t able to control myself without it. How? Well, let’s say I found out the hard way. (more…)
Accept the disorder or fight it?
Yesterday I met with my therapist to work on my relapse prevention plan. Basically, this means writing down any triggers that may cause a depressed or (hypo)manic episode, and the early signs of such episodes, so that in the end, you may be able to prevent an episode from spiraling out of control or, ideally, prevent them from happening at all. I had been doing quite well since I started taking the meds. However, the day before yesterday I kind of had a relapse – I don’t really know what else to call it – and ended up getting drunk and staying up ’till 4 am. I had the meeting with my therapist at 9, but didn’t wake up until 9:15 when he called me. Oops. (more…)
First week on meds: Olanzapine
So I’ve been taking the lowest possible dose (2,5 mg) of Olanzapine for the past week, and I’m actually quite happy with how I’m feeling right now. The first two days I almost stopped taking the pills because I felt so bad – throughout the days I was awfully tired and dreary, and I almost fainted at one point – but soon my body seemed to get used to the new situation and I started feeling ‘normal’, for a change. It’s something I hadn’t felt for quite a while, but it’s hard to explain what it feels like. It’s not as if I became an entirely different person, but every now and then I notice something that has changed from the moment I started taking the meds. And I’m glad to say that most of those changes have been for the better. (more…)
Bipolar Bear 