Accept the disorder or fight it?

Yesterday I met with my therapist to work on my relapse prevention plan. Basically, this means writing down any triggers that may cause a depressed or (hypo)manic episode, and the early signs of such episodes, so that in the end, you may be able to prevent an episode from spiraling out of control or, ideally, prevent them from happening at all. I had been doing quite well since I started taking the meds. However, the day before yesterday I kind of had a relapse – I don’t really know what else to call it – and ended up getting drunk and staying up ’till 4 am. I had the meeting with my therapist at 9, but didn’t wake up until 9:15 when he called me. Oops.

First week on meds: Olanzapine

So I’ve been taking the lowest possible dose (2,5 mg) of Olanzapine for the past week, and I’m actually quite happy with how I’m feeling right now. The first two days I almost stopped taking the pills because I felt so bad – throughout the days I was awfully tired and dreary, and I almost fainted at one point – but soon my body seemed to get used to the new situation and I started feeling ‘normal’, for a change. It’s something I hadn’t felt for quite a while, but it’s hard to explain what it feels like. It’s not as if I became an entirely different person, but every now and then I notice something that has changed from the moment I started taking the meds. And I’m glad to say that most of those changes have been for the better.