I’ve neglected this blog for a while (to be honest I kind of forgot about it), but feel ready to start updating again. Right now I feel better than I have for a very long time, as I’ve finally been able to close two chapters of my life that caused immense stress for over a year: I graduated and got my MA in Journalism, and I quit an amazing but very exhausting job in the same field. (more…)
diagnosis
Road to acceptance
I’m still on the waiting list for a general personality test and thus still waiting for an official diagnosis. The process of waiting is wearing me out, but my mood has been relatively stable for the past weeks. In this case, ‘relatively stable’ means my mood hasn’t been stable at all – as a matter of fact, I’m having mood swings on a weekly or even daily basis – but it hasn’t been extreme enough to drastically limit my functioning.
Because I’ve been waiting for months and will still have to wait for a month or two (at least), and because I kept begging my psychiatrist for short-term solutions to deal with my symptoms in the meantime, she sent me to a therapist who can meet me a little more often and finally give me some practical advice.
Not bipolar?
It’s been a while since my last update. A lot has changed, but nothing really happened at the same time. The shrink spoke with my parents and boyfriend, which caused her to doubt the diagnosis the previous shrink had decided on. So now they want to take a general personality test, meaning I’m back in the waiting room for a few months.
The news came as quite a shock, because I’d gotten so utterly convinced that this diagnosis explains all major events that took place in my life. I finally felt like I knew something for sure, and that certainty got thrown away all at once in front of my eyes. The psychiatrist told me that it’s possible that they’ll end up diagnosing me with bipolar disorder after all, but they just want to do some more research first.
Diagnostic procedure
So last week I had an intake at the mental health institution and I actually felt pretty at ease at this place. I liked the shrinks, which is rather unusual for me. Mostly I get annoyed because I feel that they are too nice and afraid to get to the point.
Challenge accepted!
This week I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. At first I felt a sense of relief, as I was finally able to comprehend some major events that have taken place in my life so far. That relief quickly switched to despair, as I realized the seriousness of this disorder and the effort it is going to take me to learn and live with it.
Then again I’m up for the challenge and determined to use this diagnosis, not as an excuse for all the stupid things I have done so far, but rather as a tool to better understand my actions and prevent them for getting out of order in the future.
In the first place this blog will be a record of the way I deal with the disorder, though at the same hand it’ll contain the thoughts of a journalism student in her tweny-somethings figuring out what life’s all about.
I write this for me; anyone is invited to read along and learn from my mistakes.
Bipolar Bear 